Monday, October 5, 2009

35 ways to say "no"

I donate plasma, yea that kind of plasma – the same as poor college students, winos, and the homeless. I donate plasma just like I used to donate blood and then aphaeresis. I do it because it actually goes to help someone, unlike a cash donation that pays for a charities expenses – which may include a director that makes more than I do.

So part of the process involves having to answer 37 questions, two of which require a positive – yes – response. I answer the same questions every time, which is up to twice a week. It is highly unlikely that in the span of two days 95% of the questions would have a different response – still they must ask them.

So in a sing-song robotic cadence the questions start…Are you…..Have you…..until done. So I got to thinking about mixing it up a little – you know – see how many ways I can answer in the negative with a verbal response. So here is my list of 35 ways to reply to a question that requires a “no” response:

1. No
2. No!
3. Nooooooo
4. Nope
5. Nopperz
6. Nada
7. Nyet
8. Nyeah
9. Nah
10. No way
11. Not a chance
12. Zip
13. Zippo
14. Zilch
15. Hell no!
16. nein
17. Iie (eee-yeh)
18. Uh-uh
19. Nuh-uh
20. I think not
21. Never
22. Not in this life
23. Not hardly
24. Negative
25. Negetory there
26. Nosireebob!
27. Nay
28. Nix
29. No sir
30. Absolutely not
31. 10-74
32. Zero
33. Nary
34. Certainly not!
35. You got to be kidding me

Number 35 is often used by first time donor heterosexual men when asked “have you ever had sex with a man, even once, since 1977?” Number 15 is the common response by red necks to the same question.

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